So I battled the enemy and the lies that he fed me, and I conquered them with the blood of Jesus. Here is most of the story.
I was exhausted. I had been battling the enemy for days, but it felt like years. It was hard to see my struggle as joy like it says in James 1:2-4. I was dealing with lies that I had been bottling up for years though, so I guess I was fighting for years that I had lost. Honestly, my struggle was real. Sometimes the thought of me not being strong enough, or beautiful enough, or worthy would come into my head and I would literally drop to my knees and cry. I told the enemy; “get out of my life! You have no say here and you have no hold on my life. I do not believe you or these lies. In the name of Jesus, get away from me!” I shouted “My God is strong! My God saves. God save me.” This is what I walked around constantly speaking, and still the devil would try and make me collapse. Psalm 31 was my cry and my prayer. In verse 12 it says “I have become like a piece of broken pottery.” And I felt that way. I felt broken and weak. I felt like I couldn’t go on any longer. Soon I became too tired to say anything more than “Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.” My battle became very real and very consuming. I was about ready to give up. Then I realized something.
The enemy has been a liar and a thief and a murderer for more than 2000 years. He’s good at his job. He knows how to work things. He knows how to set things up so that at just the right moment, everything comes crashing around you. But I also know something else –my God has always been saving and never once has He left anyone without refuge. Psalm 32:7 “You are my hiding place. You protect me from trouble. You surround me with joyous songs of Your salvation.”
I took my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and I replaced the lies of inadequacy with scriptures. I replaced the lie of my never being strong enough with Romans 8:37 “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” And I replaced the lies of never being worth it with Psalm 139:17 “How precious are Your thoughts concerning me God! How vast in number they are!” And I replaced the lies of never being beautiful with Gods voice telling me “You are beautiful. You make me stand in awe. I step inside your heart and I am amazed. Who you are is quite enough. You are beautiful” and also, Song of Songs 4:10 “How beautiful are your expressions of love!”
I know that more tests and more struggles will someday come my way. But I am stronger now. So, after all, I am glad to have battled these lies.
It says in Psalm 30:11-12 “You have changed my sobbing into dancing. You have removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy so that my soul may praise You with music and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.”
Romans 8:17 says “The One who loves us gives us an overwhelming victory in all these difficulties.” Nothing, nothing, nothing can ever, ever, ever separate us from Gods love! We are more than victorious and more than conquerors in all these difficulties.
A special shout out to all the people who fought the enemy alongside me: Cody, Joanna, Catania, and my mom. Thank you. I wouldn’t have made it without you.